My favorite quotes from people I know:
Gary: You know that awkward moment when you realize that the thing you put your foot on under the table is actually someone else's foot?
Gary: Whoa! How did it get to be Friday already?
Jody: Uh, it's Saturday.
Jody: Jill, do you have a standard wish that you always use when you throw pennies in fountains?
Jill: Um, when I was little, I would wish for some kind of pet. But now I just have a mini panic attack.
(after playing a card game in which you're supposed to yell "hokey" when you finish playing your hand)
Stephanie: Jill, you didn't yell "hokey".
Jill: Yes, I did.
Stephanie: I didn't hear you.
Jill: I said it quietly. In my head.
Jody: My stomach doesn't feel good.
Stephanie: Uh, take a laxative? Stick your finger down your throat? *pause* Hmm, I feel like this isn't good pharmacist advice.
(In the song "Stars" from Les Miserables, there are two lines that say "fallen from grace" and "you are the sentinels".)
Gary (singing): Fall on your faaaaace! You are an INfidel!
Gary: Whoa! How did it get to be Friday already?
Jody: Uh, it's Saturday.
Jody: Jill, do you have a standard wish that you always use when you throw pennies in fountains?
Jill: Um, when I was little, I would wish for some kind of pet. But now I just have a mini panic attack.
(after playing a card game in which you're supposed to yell "hokey" when you finish playing your hand)
Stephanie: Jill, you didn't yell "hokey".
Jill: Yes, I did.
Stephanie: I didn't hear you.
Jill: I said it quietly. In my head.
Jody: My stomach doesn't feel good.
Stephanie: Uh, take a laxative? Stick your finger down your throat? *pause* Hmm, I feel like this isn't good pharmacist advice.
(In the song "Stars" from Les Miserables, there are two lines that say "fallen from grace" and "you are the sentinels".)
Gary (singing): Fall on your faaaaace! You are an INfidel!
Jody: That's awkward.
Gary: You know what's awkwarder? The word 'awkwarder'.
Gary: This water feels more moist than usual.
(on natural peanut butter that has a layer of oil on top)
Gary: It kinda freaks me out. Like, if I eat a spoonful--PLK!--eight hundred instant zits.
Gary: The weirdest thing happened today. I looked in the mirror and there was a spider hanging off my nose.
Gary: Girl cheerleaders at a girls' basketball game?! That's so weird!
Jody: Would you ever eat an eyeball?
Gary: Probably not.
Jody: What if James told you to?
Gary: Then I might.
Jody: What if Kyle told you to?
Gary: Ha! Kyle would never try one! He won’t even eat a hamburger if the woman who serves it to him isn’t attractive enough!
Gary: In the elevator today, Bob asked me, "Did you get it all figured out?" I didn’t know what he was talking about, but since I don’t have all of anything figured out, I just said no.
(regarding an upcoming trip to Disneyland)
Gary: I think it’ll be good, I think it’ll be fun…as long as there aren’t too many kids chewing on my ankles.
Gary: I’m not even sure if rabbit-rabbit day is a real thing.
Jody: Sure it is. Look it up on Wikipedia.
Gary: Oh yeah? Did you write something good?
Jody: Your printer sounds happy.
Gary: Yeah...in an angry Russian screaming sort of way.
Jody: So you were home alone all day?
Gary: Yeah.
Jody: Did you eat well?
Gary: What kind of a question is that?
Jody: What did you have for dinner?
Gary: Tortillas and cherries...
Gary: With my metabolism, I have to eat right before bed or I won't wake up in the morning.
Gary: Save a butterfly, live for a day. (pause) Teach a butterfly...
Gary: Long eyelashes, good hair, rosy cheeks...I think I'd make a really attractive girl.
Gary: If we have a boy, I can teach him how to build things in our shop. And I can teach him out to play catch and kick a soccer ball. He can go to school and we can teach him how to do writing and drawing and...
Jody: If we have a girl, can you teach her how to do those things too?
Gary: No. If we had a girl, we would have to teach her about pink.
(after a particular song started playing on the radio)
Gary: Hey! This used to be Deb's favorite song! (pause) Well, I think it was Deb... (another pause) Actually, maybe it was me.
Gary: That wasn't a kiss. I was just comparing our chin sizes.
Gary: We should pinch our kids and teach them how to play basketball.
(because apparently, you get a pinch to grow an inch)
Gary: You know what's awkwarder? The word 'awkwarder'.
Gary: This water feels more moist than usual.
(on natural peanut butter that has a layer of oil on top)
Gary: It kinda freaks me out. Like, if I eat a spoonful--PLK!--eight hundred instant zits.
Gary: The weirdest thing happened today. I looked in the mirror and there was a spider hanging off my nose.
Gary: Girl cheerleaders at a girls' basketball game?! That's so weird!
Jody: Would you ever eat an eyeball?
Gary: Probably not.
Jody: What if James told you to?
Gary: Then I might.
Jody: What if Kyle told you to?
Gary: Ha! Kyle would never try one! He won’t even eat a hamburger if the woman who serves it to him isn’t attractive enough!
Gary: In the elevator today, Bob asked me, "Did you get it all figured out?" I didn’t know what he was talking about, but since I don’t have all of anything figured out, I just said no.
(regarding an upcoming trip to Disneyland)
Gary: I think it’ll be good, I think it’ll be fun…as long as there aren’t too many kids chewing on my ankles.
Gary: I’m not even sure if rabbit-rabbit day is a real thing.
Jody: Sure it is. Look it up on Wikipedia.
Gary: Oh yeah? Did you write something good?
Jody: Your printer sounds happy.
Gary: Yeah...in an angry Russian screaming sort of way.
Jody: So you were home alone all day?
Gary: Yeah.
Jody: Did you eat well?
Gary: What kind of a question is that?
Jody: What did you have for dinner?
Gary: Tortillas and cherries...
Gary: With my metabolism, I have to eat right before bed or I won't wake up in the morning.
Gary: Save a butterfly, live for a day. (pause) Teach a butterfly...
Gary: Long eyelashes, good hair, rosy cheeks...I think I'd make a really attractive girl.
Gary: If we have a boy, I can teach him how to build things in our shop. And I can teach him out to play catch and kick a soccer ball. He can go to school and we can teach him how to do writing and drawing and...
Jody: If we have a girl, can you teach her how to do those things too?
Gary: No. If we had a girl, we would have to teach her about pink.
(after a particular song started playing on the radio)
Gary: Hey! This used to be Deb's favorite song! (pause) Well, I think it was Deb... (another pause) Actually, maybe it was me.
Gary: That wasn't a kiss. I was just comparing our chin sizes.
Gary: We should pinch our kids and teach them how to play basketball.
(because apparently, you get a pinch to grow an inch)